This is how it started - during dinner Sam said, "there is a rumor going around the 4th grade that one girl wants to have sex with another."
I threw up a little in my mouth. What exactly was disturbing about this? Sex? Fourth grade? Girl on girl? All of it, maybe?
I asked if he knew what "sex" was. Fortunately, Emma wasn't feeling well on this night, so she was in the other room on the couch.
Sam said he knew what sex was because he and his friend, Suzie, found a miniature toy that was supposed to be Santa having sex with someone. He said they found it a few months ago on the golf course and that Suzie was so grossed-out she kicked it and broke it into little pieces. Apparently, this Santa could mimic the "in and out" motion, as Sam put it.
I had no clue what "toy" he was talking about, and can't say I've ever seen or heard of something like this. I didn't think that Santa was having sex and if he was, it would be with Mrs. Clause, but according to Sam, it was someone else. This is very upsetting. I never knew Santa cheated. Could it have been one of the elves? Maybe it was one of the Hoos from the Grinch?
Anyway - so because we didn't want Sam's only information about sex to involve Santa and the golf course, we gave him the entire scoop. He took it well, didn't act too shocked, but told us he didn't want to think about his mom and dad doing this. I don't blame him. I don't want to think about my mom and dad doing it either.
A couple years ago I had purchased the book "Where Did I Come From" for this exact occasion. This is the book I had when I was a kid. After "the talk," I pulled out the book so Sam and I could read it together. We busted a gut. Here are a couple of the pictures (yes, I'm sure I'm
breaking some copyright law here but it's too good to pass up).
It really is a great book when you're ready to have that conversation. Granted, I had to choke a bit when reading, "The man wants to get as close to the woman as he can, because he's feeling very loving to her. And to get really close the best thing he can do is lie on top of her and put his penis inside her, into her vagina." Yikes.
