I'm not making this up. It was on Fox News.com this a.m.
Apparently, back in 2007 a 52 year old Los Angeles woman was putting on the skimpy underwear and a metallic piece popped off and hit her in the eye. She can sue me, too, for saying this, but she must be retarded. Otherwise, how does a metallic piece get from your ass to your eye, and what made it pop off in the first place? Does she have a particularly tight pair of butt cheeks whose intense pressure on the thong caused the the piece to pop off?
I have some other issues with this story:
-What is a 52 year old doing wearing a thong in the first place?
-What is a 52 year old doing wearing a thong with metallic pieces on it in the first place?
-If you are stupid enough to hit yourself in the eye with something while putting on your thong, why would you want to publicly acknowledge this by suing the company that made the thong?
This brings up another issue for me with thongs. I don't like them. I understand their purpose - to not show pantylines and all that. Personally, I would rather go commando than have a thong up my ass. The one time I tried wearing a thong, it irritated my inner crack so much I had to remove it in the middle of a party.
I also don't like the idea of anything being up any one's ass crack for a long period of time. If I were the inventor of thongs, they would all be disposable. You would buy a pack of 30 to la
st you a month. Because in my opinion, you can never really get that little g-string thing clean after it has been up there all day.Another problem I have with the thong is that people wear them when they are on the rag. Did you know they actually make special pads just for thongs? I am not kidding. What is the point? Is it possible to really catch anything in the thumbnail crotch part of a thong? Isn't this just a recipe for disaster? Anyone who wears a pad in their thong almost deserves the drip drip that they might get down their leg.
A few minutes later:
Well, this is interesting. Stayfree, the makers of the thong pad, have discontinued the product. Imagine that. There is a small population of women out there who are outraged. They have contacted Stayfree to complain. Here is one comment made by a devastated pad-thong lover:
"My experience with the thong maxi seemed to be the answer to one of my many monthly gripes. I bought this product because I only wear thong underwear and regular pads didn't fit correctly. The sticky underside would wrap around the thong, sticking to itself, making removal a chore, sometimes a messy chore."
I find myself wondering what her other "monthly gripes" are. Toilet paper not soft enough? Belly button lint gets in the way of her piercing?
To conclude, I am not cruel-hearted. I hope Ms. Patterson, whose thong injured her, was not badly hurt. And I hope that she won't give up on the thong or on Victoria's Secret just because of this one minor incident. Who knows, she might make a nice chunk of change from VS and be able to buy a plethora of new thongs, preferably ones without metallic pieces on them. I am really glad she wasn't wearing a thong with rocks or BBs on it. That could have taken her whole eye out.
