It's All About the Penis

Ah, yes. I know. It's been a few days, since my last post. Nine to be exact. There've been lots of excuses. School starting. Obama being in town. Sick kids. Season premier of "The Hills," Eating. Sleeping. Dumping.

Mostly, I just haven't had that many irreverent thoughts the last nine days. I know, I know. That is unusual for me.

Don't get me wrong. I continue to have irreverent thoughts internally. Crude thoughts. Disgusting thoughts. But are these blog-worthy? I'm not sure.

One thing that has caught my attention is that no matter what the subject, it all has to go back to the cock. The penis. The dick.

I was fortunate enough to attend the Obama speech at the Bronco's stadium in Denver on Thursday. I am a big Obama fan. Always have been. Going to this event was a big deal for me. I felt fortunate, elated, excited. When I feel this way, I usually want a t-shirt to show the rest of the world that "I care about something." Look at me! I am making a statement about being a lesbian, liking Bon Jovi, caring about global warming, adoring Little Kitty, or being a member of the Little Itty Bitty Titty Committee by wearing this shirt. Well, I'm not really a lesbian and don't care for Little Kitty, but you get the point.

So naturally, at the Obama event, I NEEDED A SHIRT.

Well, all the shirts to be found were dumb, unoriginal: Obama/Biden '08 (boring), Obama for Change (no duh!), I am Black and Love Obama (well, you should but I'm not so I can't wear that), Obama is my Homeboy (yeah, if I wore that I would be the uncoolest mom at school trying to look cool). So, I didn't buy one at the event. But I came home with the intention of buying the coolest t-shirt EVER on line. Turns out Cafepress has a killer t-shirt collection. There are "My Mama Loves Obama" shirts, "Barack the Vote" shirts, even "Joe'Bama '08" shirts. What I didn't expect was that the shirts would embrace the "cock" theme. I was surprised to see this:
























I'm thinking to myself: Why? Why do you need to make a Barack Obama t-shirt or a McCain t-shirt or any political t-shirt about having your cock out? I mean, what does it mean anyway to "Barack with your cock out?" Certainly it's a play on your words meaning to "Rock with your cock out." So given that, does that mean when you wear this shirt you have to unzip your fly, pull out your penis, and start rocking? Only you're not really "rocking," you're "Baracking," which I guess means you must be doing some cool, groovy black man dance with your cock out. I don't know. It just seems it would take a very special person to wear that shirt. And I don't have no cock, so I am not the person for that shirt.

I finally settled on the very boring "Yes We Can" shirt. I probably should have gone for the "Disco Dance with Your Vagina Out of Your Pants," but I passed on that one.

Topless in Colorado

My very informed husband has just let me know that Saturday August 23 is "go topless" day throughout the U.S. The go-topless society is encouraging women to organize events in their cities and to remove their shirts and bras at about noon. We, in Colorado, are lucky that the Democratic National Convention is starting because it has been suggested that we go topless "at the doors of the convention." The motivation behind this movement is to prove that women are equal to men in this arena, i.e., we should be able to go shirtless just as men do, especially in the case of the above scenario (see pictures).

I, for one, am planning on starting my day by removing the t-shirt I sleep in every night (thereby leaving me topless), going to the farmer's market, getting my hair cut, visiting the local nursing home, having my kids' friends over for a play date, then wrapping up my day at a Rockie's game. Anyone who knows me knows that my double-A cup size is certain to shock and excite any bystanders.

I think what would be most exciting on this day is if all lactating mothers could participate. No breast pads allowed. That way, we could add some dripping to the whole scene. This is also a good day for those with silver dollar sized areolas to come out of hiding as well as those with unsightly nipple hair and those who have had major breast augmentation. It should be a time of self expression as well as people-gawking, don't you think?