Flakes and Other Issues

Emma has scalp issues. As an infant she had the worst cradle cap and since dandruff is kind of a big person problem, I prefer to say she has 7 year old cradle cap. If you happen to look down on her head from above, kind of near where her hair parts, you can see some major flakes. This morning she had too many flakes to count and her hair looked kind of greasy. Fortunately most second graders are about her height so not too many of them will notice the multitude of flakes on the top.

Emma's flakes made me think of that kid in fourth grade who always had greasy hair, dandruff and smelled very earthy and musky. Like wet socks. This kid often had clothes that weren't right for the weather or were too big. He or she often "forgot" his lunch and played alone at recess. His or her homework, if it was turned in, was usually wrinkled and smudged. From what we know now, we can say that if a kid shows up repeatedly with poor hygiene and ill fitting clothes, they aren't getting quite the right attention and care at home. God only know what type of dysfunction might be going on. The last thing they need to be is excluded at school, but that's what usually happens because kids are kids and this is what they do to one another. They can be mean and cruel.

I like to think I was a pretty nice girl growing up, but even I dissed "Barbara Booger," the girl who I now know must have had major psoriasis or some other skin condition that caused her to always be flaking dry bits of her body everywhere. I'm not sure why we called her "Barbara Booger," probably because since it wasn't enough to have a debilitating skin condition, we decided that she probably ate her boogers too. Or maybe we thought the flakes of skin were boogers. Then there was crazy Marvin who was partial to having major rages in the middle of class. I think the first time I heard the "F" word was when Marvin screamed it at a teacher while he was being restrained by several adults.

We all have memories of these kids - the ones who were excluded, made fun of - the troubled kids. As a kid we usually don't have the insight to know that it's not really an issue of dirty clothes or inappropriate tantrums, but a larger and more pervasive systemic problem most likely connected to something going on in the home. Even my best friend, Leigh, always wore mildewed and wrinkled clothes, her favorite t-shirt in fifth grade being one that read "Seven days of beer makes one weak." Her house was so filthy that we never played there. Her mom always had a bad back was marooned on a hospital bed in the dining room and her brother was disabled. I never saw her dad. At the time it didn't strike me as weird. But as an adult I would love to know what was really going on in that home.

Don't get me wrong - not all kids are perfectly coiffed or behaved. But a few stand out and I see them now in my kids' classes. I try to explain to my kids the bigger picture without getting too graphic. I also try to encourage kindness and thoughtfulness towards those who might be struggling.

Just a few thoughts on my mind about those who might not have it so good at home.